A TUMULTUOUS VOYAGE, Part. 5 [Short-Story Series] by Issa Dioume

They docked in at Gravenfall bay early that morning. The city was still sound asleep and not a soul could be seen creeping around its long-winded roads. At the docks, however, fishermen were getting busy as they prepared to head out with their trawling nets and fishing lines.
The fishermen eyed the Braided Maid quizzically as it reached the dock. They wondered why such a tiny ship had sailed at night in the Branock waves and how it had made it here. “They probably have a Windwhisperer, no one dares sail these waves by night without.”, proposed someone.
As they geared up, Bramin and the crew got off the ship and took what felt like their first steps on stable ground in years. Bramin then took the time to help the crew tie their ropes up and clean the deck. On this perilous journey the adventure he had lived with these men, had created a silent bound of trust and understanding between them. Each had had to rely on one another wholly and this had given way to a very strong form of trust. I am going to miss them, he thought quietly in the silence of his heart as he pulled a rope and tied it up on the dock.

A few hours later, the time for departure came. He bade them all a good farewell and thanked the captain endlessly. This one, as response simply gave him a “No problem lad” and a smile showing the gleam of his golden teeth. Then he proceeded to boasting about heroic he was and how he had challenged and conquered the Queen of the ocean. “This will make a riot in the taverns! A tale to tell for the ages!” He seemed to entirely have forgotten about the pangs of remorse he had felt before the wave.

Turning his back, Bramin walked away and did not look back. He knew that if he were to do so he would be tempted to stay with these men aboard the little BraidedMaid and spend his years sailing the seas and drinking beer. But, no. His destiny awaited him elsewhere – he would not let himself be cut short, not here. He would head for the wild jungles of Azerkah where he would find its long-lost treasure and sweep all the glory away from under the feet of other explorers. He walked on, bringing with him fresh happy memories and taking his first steps towards new adventures awaiting him.

[…To be continued]
– Written by Issa Dioume

Author’s website:
Writing, Improving, Coffee

15 thoughts on “A TUMULTUOUS VOYAGE, Part. 5 [Short-Story Series] by Issa Dioume

Add yours

  1. A nice story that opens up possibility of countless adventures.
    You could have more flavour in there – more ‘showing’ not telling (how the air smells, what he hears, the sensual experiences that differentiate being at land compared to being at sea). Cut any unnecessary words (you have two ‘hads’ together at one point, you can cut one – and here ‘Bramin then took the time to help the crew’ you could cut ‘took the time’ it adds nothing to the sense of the story).
    But the sense of intrigue is very good – what took him to sea, what drives him on to the jungle? And makes the reader want to read to the end. A great start to a big adventure. Good luck with your writing

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Wow, this is a great comment. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Lynn Love! A very constructive comment that I will truly apply for the betterment of my craft. I will edit my work right now to make modifications. This means a lot to me, I will do my best! Once more, a big : THANK YOU.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Interesting short story, though I found some little grammar errors. Overall, the plot is very enthralling and you could use it to give many possible colorful ends. Keep writing and keep captivating us.
    Best of lucks,
    Lyram Dinsmore.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. When you write on the first line, ‘…that the morning.’ I don’t think it is grammatically correct if I’m not mistaken. Please accept my apologies if it offended you.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Sorry once again. I forgot to add that: on the line where it says – ‘Turning his back, Bramin walked away and did not looked back.’ I think it’s not ‘looked’ but ‘look’.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Always here to help. Even when I write, I make mistakes. Though you try to be really careful, it happens so no tension!
    Lyram Dinsmore 😊

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Yes it happens but it’s best to avoid them as much as possible. It may take away some of the enjoyment from reading. Sorry and thank you very much for the assistance! I am grateful. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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